Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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