I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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