someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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