you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
