Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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