My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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