used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
