I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
