you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Small penises have feelings too.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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