great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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