I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
