sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
