um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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