saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
