I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
