You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
