please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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