Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
