My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
