Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
