I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
