Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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