Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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