don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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