First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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