So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
