I didn't shave. On purpose
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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