I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
