he puts the penis in happiness.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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