Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
