Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
