so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
