and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
