My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
