just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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