I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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