I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
