I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
