pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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