It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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