FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
