im drinking this country out of the recession.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
