I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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