he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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