you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
