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i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
