i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
