Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize