From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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