I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
