i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
