i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
