my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
