he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize