Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
