Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
