just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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