Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
