i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
