sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
