omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
