My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
