apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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