I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
