i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
