Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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