Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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