apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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