I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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