her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
