No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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